Breadwinners is the story of two ducks who fly in a rocket-powered van and deliver bread. Seems innocent enough, right? Well this show caught my attention after being named the second worst Nickelodeon show of all time by YouTuber PhantomStrider and boasting 2.8 out of 10 on IMDb. But can it really be that bad?
The first thing you notice when you watch Breadwinners is how bum-centric it is. Not a moment goes by without buttocks protruding towards the audience, wobbling and wiggling every which way. Clapping together hypnotically. Pulsating and jiggling like two swaying pillowcases of pert blancmange. And that’s just the opening credits, all played to an obnoxious Beastie Boys-esque mixture of shouting and singing. And bums. Oh the bums.
In this episode, ducks SwaySway and Buhdeuce (yes those are their names, I googled it to make sure) are at the breakfast table when famous director Steven Quackberg, hindquarters thrust unashamedly towards the dear viewer (or should that be rear viewer, heh heh?), bursts though the ceiling and pitches the ducks an idea: Breadwinners the movie.
Can I just pause for a moment here and let the records state that ‘Steven Quackberg’ is not a pun? I can come up with a better duck-related director name in five minutes:
- Quackin Tarantino
- Stanley Quackbrick
- James Quackron
- Peter Quackson
- Ryan Gosling (Admittedly not a director. And not technically a duck. And not even a change of name.)
- Drake (Now I’m just being silly…)
But I digress. I’m not familiar with the backstory, but it seems like Quackberg treated them poorly in the past so the ducks are reluctant to work with him again. Given everything that’s coming out of the woodwork in Hollywood right now I dread to think. Topical though.
Despite their initial reluctance the dozy ducks eventually sign the contract. After all, ‘think how much we’ll learn from our mistakes if we make the same mistake twice.’ Hard to fault that logic.
So off they go to the movie studio where Buhdeuce asks for a latte and a cow is brought in to squirt milk directly from her udders into his face. A close-up shows the liquid dripping from his poorly drawn beak as he sighs in satisfaction. I’m not sure how appropriate this is for a younger audience.
On set the ducks turn out to be awful actors. In one scene Buhdeuce’s trousers fall off and in another he breaks wind and a cloud of toxic gas covers the entire studio. I’m beginning to see where the 2.8 IMDb score is coming from.
Quackberg sends them on a wild goose chase (or should that be duck chase, ho ho!?) to get rid of them and recasts them in the film. Also, the bread delivery plot didn’t test well with audiences so he changes it so they deliver butts instead – what else? I’m not making this up. In the film the ducks fire the bums out of their rocket van so they explode and kill passers-by, suffocating them in clouds of green bum fumes. It’s a questionable business model with an ill-defined target audience and I’m not sure how profitable the change from bread delivery to toxic bum delivery will be for the Breadwinners. In fact I don’t think they’ve considered the customer needs at all.
The ducks feel misrepresented by the movie and steal the film reel, escaping in the prop van and throwing the movie butts at Quackberg’s security guards. Buhdeuce bounces them off his own buttocks to aim the ‘bummunition’ (their word, not mine) at the hapless guards.
In the end it turns out that Quackberg never had the rights to adapt the Breadwinners’ story into a film in the first place, since the ducks signed the contract with a smiley face and a drawing of a hotdog. Their stupidity saves the day! But who will save me?
Breadwinners is childish, stupid and downright gross. The art style is lazy and ugly like a flash animation from the early 2000s, and the only two jokes are ‘the ducks are idiots’ and ‘bums exist’. It’s like an animated Wayne’s World with a gluteal bent and aimed at a primary school audience. Admittedly seeing a bum on screen can be funny, but not when it’s every 10 seconds with no room to breathe in between scenes. Put those bums away, Breadwinners. No one wants to see.