‘I can’t wait to get my tongue bath’ Breadwinners S2 Ep6: Don’t feed the duckosaurs

After watching my first episode of Breadwinners I felt the need to lie down in a darkened room with a damp flannel over my eyes. It’s like when you play several non-stop hours of Candy Crush and then when you try and sleep you can see lines of colourful candies behind your eyelids. Only this time I could see lines of bouncing duck buttocks. But my torment was not over. In fact, each episode of Breadwinners has two stories (A double bill? Get it?), so I was in for another treat.

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The second story of this episode starts with the eponymous Breadwinners, SwaySway and Buhdeuce (I still can’t get over those names), giving bread to a half-duck half-dinosaur abomination called a duckosaur. They’re repeatedly told not to do this, but being the idiots they are they continue to do so and end up getting carried away by the duckosaur to Volcano Valley – where duckosaurs rule the Earth.

The hapless pair are kidnapped by a pink (and therefore presumably female) Duckosaurus Rex who adopts them as her babies. She licks them clean, much to their delight. Her tongue goes everywhere – this is Breadwinners after all. If you’ve read my previous article about the bum-centric animation of this show then I’m sure you can imagine. I hope you don’t mind your impressionable kids watching this unfettered filth.

Speaking of filth, after giving them a tongue bath the duckosaur then regurgitates a stomachful of sick for the ducks, which they eat gleefully. The gorge themselves until they are obese, complete with fat rolls. This show has now crossed the line from unpleasantness into being downright gross.

While being mothered by the duckosaur, SwaySway and Buhdeuce get attacked by a blue (and therefore presumably male) duckosaur but their loving mama fights him off. It may seem like nothing now, but remember this crazed, violent attacker of women and ‘children’. He will return later in the tale.

The ducks absolutely love their new baby lifestyle. Despite being adults (I assume, since they run their own bread delivery business) they revert to an infantile state where they get unconditional love, attention and food from their mother. It’s a creepy idea – they’re tricking the duckosaur who believes that they’re actually babies and they’re neglecting their adult responsibilities back home, but they seem happy enough. However, the bliss does not last. Sibling rivalry breaks out when Behdeuce doesn’t get as much food and lickings as SwaySway. In the middle of the night he falls out of the nest and SwaySway and the duckosaur go out to look for him. It’s weird they they set up the sibling rivalry plot then have Behdeuce fall out of the nest by accident. Surely it would make more sense if he ran away on his own volition? The motivation is right there… Oh well, I’ve stopped expecting sense from the writers of this show.

SwaySway and the mother duckosaur find Buhdeuce in the arms of the blue duckosaur. It’s alright folks, he only attacked them earlier because he wanted children of his own! So that’s ok then? It’s impressive to show a single man adopting a baby, but the fact that he was willing to steal someone else’s children makes him a less than sympathetic character.

But the ducks don’t care about his history of violence against women and attempted kidnapping of children – they think he’s the perfect match for their duckosaur mum. So they serenade them to make them fall in love, and smear the blue duckosaur with honey so the pink one will lick it off (???). The show ends with the duckosaurs getting married, and the ducks returning home from Volcano Valley.

This cartoon is so devoid of charm and likeability. The last episode I saw was a bit childish with its bum obsession, but it wasn’t wildly offensive. But this episode included sick, domestic violence and the message that if two people are physically violent towards each other then it’s a good idea for them to get married. Do children even enjoy this show? If you know any kids who enjoy this, please do let me know because I need to understand what on earth they’re thinking. But for now I need to prepare my damp flannel.

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