A Friends script generated by a bot: The One Where Ross Geller Is So Silly

The scientifically advanced bot Friends-O-Matic 2000 (powered by Botnik technology) has watched dozens of hours of the popular sitcom, analysed the data and generated its own script. See for yourself what the electronic brain makes of the antics of Joey, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Monica as they navigate life and love as twenty-somethings in New York City. Will the machine learning algorithm pick up on the nuances of witty banter, snappy dialogue and comedic timing that we’ve come to associate with Friends? Or does that level of creativity require a human touch? Let’s find out…

FRIENDS

“The One Where Ross Geller Is So Silly”

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

MONICA’S APARTMENT – DAY

MONICA, RACHEL and CHANDLER are in the kitchen.

JOEY enters and grabs a bag of peanuts from the kitchen table.

JOEY

(to the peanuts)

Dude Tribbiani says hello, Mr Salty Sir!

ROSS enters, wearing fake breasts.

JOEY

Ewwwww boobies!

Joey drops the peanuts in shock.

CHANDLER

Oh my god. Look at ’em.

JOEY

Awful boobies on you.

Ross bends over to pick up a peanut from the floor, exposing himself.

JOEY

Whoa dad bum.

CHANDLER

Ross Geller’s underwear purifier is just mean.

Ross glares at Chandler.

CHANDLER

Hey, Ross just glares at me.

(to Ross)

You wanna punch me?

ROSS

(Annoyed)

Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn’t eat soup!

CHANDLER

Oh my god!

RACHEL

(to Chandler)

Honey, y’know, Ross is allergic to lobster and Ross is married to the drums.

ROSS

Oh my monkey!

Chandler looks out of the window at Ugly Naked Guy.

CHANDLER

Well this guy smells incredible. Oh yeah man.

Monica joins Chandler at the window.

MONICA

Oh boy that guy is really strong. Yeah baby. He works in a sexy room for all womankind. Limited seating though.

ROSS

(muttering under his breath)

Ugly Naked Guy is scum.

(aloud)

I think I should shave again. Because tomorrow night Rachel and I are getting married. I know she’s crazy and jealous, yeah, but Pottery Barn is so amazing.

Ross sits on the couch.

ROSS

Hey Rach, calm down next to me. I am totally flirting.

Rachel hesitates.

RACHEL

Maybe it’s awkward because you love that Japanese place.

ROSS

Oh yeah, I guess that place looks like mom.

PHOEBE enters, upset.

PHOEBE

Well, umm, grandma died today. She gasps really nice.

ROSS

(Nonchalantly)

I am sorry sweetie, it was just a misunderstanding. She was hot. Yeah that whole weekend we were drunk and she just gave me a big age difference. Goodbye to the woman.

Ross stands and casually saunters out of the apartment.

PHOEBE

Oh God Ross exits. Ross is so cruel.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

 

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